Being that I am neither Presbyterian, believing that our child is automatically covenant and promised for salvation, nor Arminian, believing that our child will be saved if only we manage to be convincing enough–being neither of those things, I believe this little baby is in spiritual darkness.
I’ve been dwelling on this a great deal. This little one that I’m so eager to meet, the tiny frame that’s being knit together inside of me, is a tangled mess of sin and rebellion. Even as he or she is learning to think, to hear, to feel, his or her little thoughts are selfish and unredeemed. That little mind holds no appreciation for its own insignificance, no desire to serve the One who is forming every bone and synapse. Our child is fallen.
Parents don’t often seem to treat their children like lost people. It’s frightening to think of; I can feel even now the peculiar blend of terror that comes from flinging all your love and devotion into a little being that may never grow to desire God, from building such an incredibly close relationship with a person who may one day break your heart with their waywardness, or whose funeral you might attend and know that they’ve gone into eternal torment instead of eternal joy.
I don’t think it’s idle worry to be so starkly dramatic. We don’t know God’s plans, and how could we presume? We hope and we plead on our knees, but if it brings God more glory that this little child should reject Him, then our hearts may break but still flow with praise.
I don’t want to lose sight of this. I’m sure it will be easy to do: even as Seth and I plan and giggle about all the ways we’re going to love this child to death, it’s so easy to distance ourselves from the reality of his or her spiritual condition. And we haven’t even met yet! Once we’re captured by smiles and coos and all the miniature wonder of new life, I can’t imagine how much more difficult it will be. But how vital it is that every action we take as parents, every decision, be underpinned by solemn determination to show this child the beauty of Jesus Christ and His Gospel! We’re embarking on a tiny mission field, bringing it in through our front door.
It goes well beyond “scary.” And yet it’s also amazing, because even we as saved parents can only throw ourselves on the mercy of God–and so throwing our child on His mercy is not very much different. And it’s awesome, because how many things bring as much joy to believers as sharing the Gospel? And here we will, Lord willing, have the opportunity to do exactly that, day in and day out. So it’s exciting, too, because God is gracious in all things.
