I think I appreciated the blog (linked a few days ago in the “asides”) of Al Groves and his family so much because in so many ways, their situation is precisely that which I dread: both he and I had rare primary cancers that are “treatable” in the initial form, but with reasonably high potential for secondary cancers down the road that are intrinsically untreatable.
The next time I go to have scans done, I could very well find out that I have one of those incurable secondary cancers. That’s a very intimidating thing to live with: to know that I could feel perfectly healthy, but go to a routine doctor appointment and come home with a number measured in weeks or months called “life expectancy.”
If I haven’t been clear on this before, let me be very clear now: that is what I struggle with, cancer-wise–knowing that this precise scenario is more likely than, say, me being in a car accident. And I’m one of these people who wants to plan everything out. I am not spontaneous. I like to control my environment. And if I’m going to suddenly get the news that I’m going to die, well, I’d like to at least feel a little bit sick first so I can grow accustomed to the idea before having it thrust upon me, you know?
Mainly I’m afraid of how I will react, if that situation ever comes to pass. When you’re sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for results that are either “completely clear” or “imminent death,” let me tell you, it’s hard to prepare yourself mentally. It’s so stressful every time I go, because either I have to just ignore the possibility of the latter (and if it ever happens, be completely off-guard), or meditate on the possibility (and if it doesn’t happen, waste untold hours in useless stress). It’s a lose-lose situation from a human standpoint. But it’s really, really important to me to be in a position to react correctly if I do get the “bad” news.
(And yes, yes, I know the “right” answer–pray and trust God, and be prepared to be content with either situation, and don’t be anxious–but that’s very much harder to live than it is to say. I haven’t perfected the knack yet, and I don’t know that I will until I’m in heaven!)
All that to say… the reason the Groveses’ blog was so encouraging to me is because it helped me see a real, visible outworking of what to do in that situation. It makes me feel better prepared. It makes me less stressed. It makes me better able to praise God. 
I wanted to jot down some specific “lessons” I learned from the site.
- Don’t discount miracles. This is really big for me, because I tend to (at least live like I) believe that God very, very, very infrequently heals people who medically have “no hope.” And I didn’t get the impression that the Groveses expected a miracle, but they were very precise in making sure that they still accorded God, not cancer, the credit for death. They used words like “medically incurable” and didn’t dwell on “I’m going to die” in a matter-of-fact way. Just because doctors give you a month to live doesn’t mean that you know your time.
- Don’t dwell on death. Again, they were realistic about the probabilities, but I loved the entry where he talked about flossing his teeth, and clearly he was very involved in people’s lives right up through January. There almost seemed to be a “when it happens, it happens,” attitude which I think (reflectively) is hugely important.
- In the process of dying, death becomes more comfortable. This is closely tied to the previous point; I found it amazing and very uplifting that as the end grew more obviously near, the family seemed to grow more at peace with the fact. Instead of becoming frantic and “only one more week!” there was the emphasis on how much better heaven would be than earthly suffering. It just goes to show how God uses suffering and pain to prepare our hearts better for heaven, and it it is a great encouragement to me to know that if my day ever comes, I can at least reasonably hope that similarly, God will make sure that circumstances collide so that I and those around me are glad to see me go before I actually have to go. This was a really important point for me, and I hope I’m expressing it comprehensibly.
- “Dealing” isn’t necessary. At least not publicly! Seriously, though–part of understanding these previous three points is the logical conclusion that we shouldn’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles for today. It’s very hard not to do so (especially for someone like me!), but it seems like it is better to trust that whatever unhappy news tomorrow might bring, God will give us enough grace to survive it… tomorrow. And trying to prepare ourselves ahead of time for unhappy news we think might be coming is, in a way, evidencing a lack of faith in God to provide for us when it actually happens.
I don’t know the Groves family, obviously–I don’t know anything about them beyond what I read on their blog, which I read from beginning to end as I sat at my computer and cried and cried for their joy and for their loss and for their unwavering faith. And I don’t know that they would agree with these four things I learned from them. But I am so thankful for their testimony, because God used it in my heart in a very practical and immediate way, both cautioning and comforting me.
I would again encourage everyone to read the blog, starting at the beginning (and reading at least the beginning and end, if not the middle, although it’s all worth reading)–it is immensely encouraging and amazing evidence of what a gracious and all-powerful God we serve.
